The Singleness Post
A lot of people have been asking me that question. You know the one I'm talking about:
It's the question women in missions get asked the most. "Are you going there alone?" "Don't you want to be happy?" "Won't you get lonely?" "What about a family?" "Do you feel God has called you to a life of celibacy?" No matter how you phrase it, it always boils down to this: Are you ever going to get married? Well, just give me a moment to pull out my crystal ball....
Now, before I get too carried away (I know, it's probably too late), I'd just like to say that I fully understand that the majority, if not all, of the people asking me "the question" are loving people that are likely concerned about me. Because I'm never quite sure how to answer this, I've broken down each version of this question for you below.
1. "Are you going there alone?"-- To those who ask this question out of concern for me: Don't worry about me. Being single is not a death sentence. This is 2012, not 1812. I can leave my home alone and survive. I know self-defense 101. Nothing is going to happen to me just walking down the street as a single woman that couldn't happen to me as a married woman. Oh, and I own mace. I'm good.
To those who ask this question but really mean "What can a single woman accomplish?": I cannot even begin to answer that in any way that will remain brief other than to say that two-thirds of missionaries today are female. This is a whole different topic that will take up another loooong post. For now, you'll have to settle with this article: http://www.thetravelingteam.org/articles/women-missions
2. "Don't you want to be happy?" -- "Single" is not synonymous with "bitter". Just because a woman isn't married doesn't mean she can't be happy. I know many women in missions who have never married. Most of them are very happy people. True joy is to be in God, not a spouse. As long as we are doing His will, there is no reason we can't be happy. If I was only content with a man by my side, my relationship with God would be severely lacking.
3. "Won't you get lonely?" -- Probably, at times. Most singles in missions have roommates, so it's not like I will be totally alone. Let's keep in mind, though, that it's possible to be married, have a house full of children and still be lonely. Jesus Christ can cure loneliness even better than a husband ever could. It's not like I'm going to cut off all contact with loved ones either. It used to be missionaries said goodbye to their families and left the country. That was it. These days the internet makes it much easier to keep in touch. I'll likely skype (video chat for those of you who don't know) with my family and friends regularly while I'm away.
4. "What about a family?" -- What about it? I have a family. Do I want a family of my own? Of course. I love kids! I'd love to get married and have children. Someday. I'm only 22 years old. Now, this is not to say that I'm not an adult, responsible, or capable of taking care of myself and others. I flew halfway around the world by myself at age 16. BUT, I have years ahead of me to get married and have a family. I know that by 1800s standards I'm an old maid, but in the 21st century, I'm still young. The average age women get married is 27. For men it's 28. Give me a few more years.
5. "Do you feel God has called you to a life of celibacy?" -- No. I don't. I'm not comfortable with that thought, either. I don't want to remain single my entire life, but I'm not going to settle for someone out of sheer desire to have a family. I want Mr. Right not Mr. Right Now. Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. When I gave my life to Christ, I gave all of it. That means He is involved in every decision I make. Who I date is included, and that has saved me a lot of heartache. Not listening has also caused me a lot of heartache. I learned the hard way to heed Proverbs 4:23, "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life." The best way to guard your heart is to rely on God to do it for you. Ask Him. He answers.
So, all that being said, my well thought out answer to THE BIG QUESTION is: HOW ON EARTH WOULD I KNOW??? I gave up figuring out God's full plan for my life a long time ago. He's revealing it to me paragraph by paragraph, not chapter by chapter. As much as I'd love a little sneak peek into my future, I know it's best that I don't get one, and, frankly, I'm thankful for that...
Maybe you agree, or perhaps you don't, with how I've answered this question. Comment, talk to me, I'd love to hear from you guys about this!
Now, before I get too carried away (I know, it's probably too late), I'd just like to say that I fully understand that the majority, if not all, of the people asking me "the question" are loving people that are likely concerned about me. Because I'm never quite sure how to answer this, I've broken down each version of this question for you below.
1. "Are you going there alone?"-- To those who ask this question out of concern for me: Don't worry about me. Being single is not a death sentence. This is 2012, not 1812. I can leave my home alone and survive. I know self-defense 101. Nothing is going to happen to me just walking down the street as a single woman that couldn't happen to me as a married woman. Oh, and I own mace. I'm good.
To those who ask this question but really mean "What can a single woman accomplish?": I cannot even begin to answer that in any way that will remain brief other than to say that two-thirds of missionaries today are female. This is a whole different topic that will take up another loooong post. For now, you'll have to settle with this article: http://www.thetravelingteam.org/articles/women-missions
2. "Don't you want to be happy?" -- "Single" is not synonymous with "bitter". Just because a woman isn't married doesn't mean she can't be happy. I know many women in missions who have never married. Most of them are very happy people. True joy is to be in God, not a spouse. As long as we are doing His will, there is no reason we can't be happy. If I was only content with a man by my side, my relationship with God would be severely lacking.
3. "Won't you get lonely?" -- Probably, at times. Most singles in missions have roommates, so it's not like I will be totally alone. Let's keep in mind, though, that it's possible to be married, have a house full of children and still be lonely. Jesus Christ can cure loneliness even better than a husband ever could. It's not like I'm going to cut off all contact with loved ones either. It used to be missionaries said goodbye to their families and left the country. That was it. These days the internet makes it much easier to keep in touch. I'll likely skype (video chat for those of you who don't know) with my family and friends regularly while I'm away.
4. "What about a family?" -- What about it? I have a family. Do I want a family of my own? Of course. I love kids! I'd love to get married and have children. Someday. I'm only 22 years old. Now, this is not to say that I'm not an adult, responsible, or capable of taking care of myself and others. I flew halfway around the world by myself at age 16. BUT, I have years ahead of me to get married and have a family. I know that by 1800s standards I'm an old maid, but in the 21st century, I'm still young. The average age women get married is 27. For men it's 28. Give me a few more years.
5. "Do you feel God has called you to a life of celibacy?" -- No. I don't. I'm not comfortable with that thought, either. I don't want to remain single my entire life, but I'm not going to settle for someone out of sheer desire to have a family. I want Mr. Right not Mr. Right Now. Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. When I gave my life to Christ, I gave all of it. That means He is involved in every decision I make. Who I date is included, and that has saved me a lot of heartache. Not listening has also caused me a lot of heartache. I learned the hard way to heed Proverbs 4:23, "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life." The best way to guard your heart is to rely on God to do it for you. Ask Him. He answers.
So, all that being said, my well thought out answer to THE BIG QUESTION is: HOW ON EARTH WOULD I KNOW??? I gave up figuring out God's full plan for my life a long time ago. He's revealing it to me paragraph by paragraph, not chapter by chapter. As much as I'd love a little sneak peek into my future, I know it's best that I don't get one, and, frankly, I'm thankful for that...
Maybe you agree, or perhaps you don't, with how I've answered this question. Comment, talk to me, I'd love to hear from you guys about this!
Faithe this is very well put. If only every young person, teen and preteen would take this to heart. Sometimes God doesnt even reveal paragraph by paragraph but sentence by sentence.
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